"You ain't seen the end of me yet!!!"

Err, uhh, I don't think that's even a song lyric...if it is, well, it's probably on a country station that no one listens to, oh except for you Joe Patton, but you probably don't even read my blog, since I haven't blogged in over 2 months, and, well anyway....it's somethin'! Anywhoo, I felt as though I needed to redeem myself, and protect my blog from slithering into neverland (ooh, sore subject) especially from my husband's blog who deleted me from his list of bloggers and then put me back on because he made up some silly policy. Anyway, thanks honey for believing in me. Whatever.

Truth is, I'm intimidated to blog. You all are such great bloggers and have such good things to say! Some so very witty, some so very deep and thought provoking.... So, I think about it now and then, and then it stresses me out, so I'd just rather not do it. The biggest hinderance to my blogging is trying to come up with a darn song lyric, so I think I'm done with that whole idea!

I've been in a weird funk of late, and I'm trying to come out of it. Joe has always been the depressive in our family, but it looks as if the tables have turned a bit. I don't like this stage....maybe it's cause I'm turning 30 this year. Oh heavens! That's so weird to say. So, if I've seemed a little weird or defensive, or sad...well, I have been, but I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I'm so darn emotional...it's a curse and a blessing. I would be sad if I didn't have any emotions. Well, you know what I mean...but at this moment, I wish they would tame down a bit.

Anyway, all that to say, I am feeling some hope this evening that I won't feel this way forever. I'm admitting to the world that I've been struggling... which was once a very, very hard thing for me to do. I'm clinging to Jesus to show me the purpose for my torment, if there is any, and then to show me what to do w/it.

Most exciting news in my life...we're flying to Indiana in Feb. to perform at a Valentine Banquet at my home church (look out Scottsburg, Vinny is coming to town...ask Joe how excited he is about this one!!! He said yes, because he loves me and he loves my brother who asked him to do this, but I think he's having a little bit of anxiety about the whole thing)...I get to sing old 40's songs which I'm excited about, and the best part is I get to be pampered by my mom for over a week and let the kids play with both meemaw's & papaw's! I just love our family. We are so blessed. I'm glad Joe's parents get to come to the "burg" for the banquet. It will be fun to have us all together for hopefully a not too embarassing evening!

"Come what may, I will love you, until my dying day..."

I love you Joe...

I'm proud of you.

Love,
me

What's your rating?

So, I took this dumb test that must've been put together by a junior high student, but it was fun to do w/Doug teasing me about probably being rated "G". I'm not as pure as one might think!!!! (Don't worry mom, I haven't used drugs and I've only gone "all the way" w/one long-haired handsome man who will remain nameless)!

Take a shot!

My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?

"Rocka my soul in the bossom of Abraham"

Uhhhh, what? Yeah, that's what I said when I heard Eli singing this at the top of his lungs on the airplane Monday. Of all songs for him to know the words too?! I realized this was one of the songs on his new cd that his daddy bought him to take on our trip to Indiana. "What's the bossom of Abraham mommy?" Well, you got me Eli. I immediately felt foolish for also singing this song as a child and never knowing the meaning of it. "So high, you can't get over it, so low, you can't get under it so wide you can't get around it you gotta go through the door." What? Anyway, my mom reminded me of the story in the bible that talks about this, but I still didn't get the song. Does anyone understand it....if so, can you give me a child friendly way to explain it to Eli?!

Anyway, all that to say, I love it when Eli sings. He has been frustrating for me to deal with of late. Very whiney, not listening very well, very LOUD, etc. Then there are these sweet moments of his cute little voice bellowing out a tune, not caring who is listening. It makes me laugh. It makes me remember that he has good moments, and bad moments just like I do. It makes me want to try harder to be a good listener and not just always try to get him to be more "quiet!" I never want him to quite sharing these songs with me. Anyway, I could share tons of good and bad moments that happen throughout the day, but that's just a little something that I was thinking about today...

Lord, give me strength to love my kids the way you do and to respond to them the way you want me to. And for the times that I don't, teach them how to use their "earmuffs."!!!

"I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day"....

I was getting ready to blog about how much I love it when my house is full of people and then I read my husband's blog and well, you guessed it, he just blogged about the same thing. He beat me to it! Darnit! I was getting heat from everybody, "why haven't you blogged anymore??? So, are you just gonna blog once and then forget about it?" Then, I finally have something to blog about and wouldn't you know, it's already been said! Well, anyway, "I love it, I love it, I love it" (spoken like molly shannon in her "Joyologist" sketch on SNL)...I truly do come to life when there are lots of people around...especially when there's lots of laughter....it just brightens up all the dark places in the soul.

Speaking of dark places, I have been experiencing some darkness in my soul. It stems from my being controlled by the "pleasing man" disorder. Yes, that's right. I know it's hard to believe, but I struggle with what other people think of me, and those close to me. It affects me in every area of my life. As a wife, mom, friend and follower of Christ. I feel like eyes are always watching, always judging, always questioning myself or those I love....unfortunately this steals my joy at least once a day...sometimes more. Sometimes in small ways, sometimes in large ways. I want to be free of this. I want to just love Jesus, love my community, my family and not question what others think of these efforts. Anyway, I could go on and on and on, but basically, I want to ask God's forgiveness for living for others approval for so long. So, here I am. A weak creature. But one who desperately wants to love and be loved...pure and simple...and experience the freedom that He offers me.

I sit here feeling refreshed as I have "dumped a load" on my reader....thanks for listening. May God continually reveal our weaknesses and allow us the strength to release them, rather than let them control us.

This is actually Cheryl typing. I wanted to blog, but somehow Joe managed to screw up my computer- an easy thing to do- when he set up Debbie's blog on my computer. Anyway, my computer will not let me on the Blogger site, it just sends me to Debbie's Blogger site (to type new ones). So, sorry Deb, but I think it's Joe's fault.

So, here I am. Posting my first blog. I've finally given in to the peer pressure of my friends. Thanks to my hubby, I have a beautiful fluffly pink page, which leads me to my first thought about myself that I will share with my readers....I have a hard time thinking for myself sometimes. Or rather, I really like it when others make decisions (that I agree with) and I can just follow suit. Is that wrong? So, it's cool that I live in a household of people who "get things done", and I can just lend a helping hand. Although, it sometimes leaves me feeling a bit lame.

Have I told you all that I love living in our intentional community yet? There have definitely been some times where I have struggled and have been frustrated, but I feel God speaking to me through the people in my household and the things he is wanting me to learn. I have needed this growth. Sometimes we are not able to grow until we are placed in a situation where we are forced to change. Anywhoo, those are a few of my thoughts right now. I am scared to blog....I'm a bit more insecure the last couple of years, and so throwing myself out here like this is a bit weird, but I think it will be good for me. I love reading all of your blogs and hearing what's going on in your life.

Anyway, that's all for now. I was going to begin all my blogs with the lyrics of a song, but then I realized Kenny was already doing that, so I'm like, "well that's lame, I can't copy him", but I think I still will, but not tonight, cause I just realized Aidan is screaming and I need to go love on him and I can't think of a catchy song.

much love.